i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
