Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
