ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
