Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
