I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
