Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
