I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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