uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize