She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
