I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
