so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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