don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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