Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize