Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
