Pants 0. Shit 1.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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