As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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