Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
