Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
