The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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