Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
