the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i drank out of a bidet.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
