i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize