Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
