Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
