I CAN MOONWALK!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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