I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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