Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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