yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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