It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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