If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize