Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
