My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
