Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
