her vagina looked like bernie madoff
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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