I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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