I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
