i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
