they need to just BURY HIM!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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