Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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