lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
