We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
