He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
