did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
