I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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