fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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