i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
