two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
