I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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