seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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