that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize