If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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