so explain again why im purple
no
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
