He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
