you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
