it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
