so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
