He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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