Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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