STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you made out with another girl for some wings
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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