i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
