your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
