no you cant smoke seaweed
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
