Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
