I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
