I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just had sex on a roof
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
