thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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