I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
